A year later I returned to this poem and it was a total transformation of feelings. I read the poem and felt no anger towards either parent. Instead, I found myself wondering what could have caused my mother not to want to share with me about my father. She must have been hurting from some past event associated with my being a bastard that may have caused her lack of openness. Then I thought about the guilt my dad may have been feeling all these years, from not being part of my life.
Self-pity disappeared and the needs of others became more important. I was no longer feeling angry towards my parents and that's how my healing began.
The feedback I received from others in similar situations were very encouraging. Those who were able to relate are now encouraged to know that they are not alone and that they can still have a fulfilled life, regardless of their misfortune. One particular person, who couldn't relate but felt the hurt, encouraged me and prayed with me and for me. Another, used his own experience to help me understand and see beyond my needs and I can tell you that the hand of God was definitely upon me through those scenarios.
It brought healing, friendship, a spiritual father who provides that much needed biblical guidance I craved and friends who emerged to help calm the storm. I was restored and gratitude filled my heart and resulted in a ministry of using words to help others get to that place of peace. I was encouraged by the feedback and soon, poetry became 'Christian Living' articles and there was a re-birth of my love for writing. I didn't believe I was capable of producing material that would speak to the hearts of others but some of the feedback I received made me realise that I had to keep sharing my gifts with others, regardless of my shortcomings.
I am blessed being an instrument for my Creator and I will continue to follow His leading as He directs my path. I recognise that I am nothing without Him and that I am everything with Him. For in Him I receive my strength which is renewed each day. And so I face the task head on, knowing that He already won the battle and I am just cleaning up.
Everyday I sing His praises because of what He has done for me. All the trials I have been through, I now look back and know that it was 'for my good' and so that He can get the Glory. I have repeatedly climbed mountains and in some cases, almost drowned in deep waters.
Now, I am walking through the valley and I still have a smile on my face. Why? Because I am not alone. Everywhere I go, I have my Saviour with me. He cleansed my heart and gave me a new start. Now I'm here to testify that I've finally found the one true Love I've been searching for, all my life (Jesus Christ). And to let you know that you too can share in this Joy that I have found.
'Once you get to that place where God wants you to be, you’ll find a peace deep within that the devil can’t steal' (from the article The Diary Entry).
If the world didn't give it - then the world can't take it away. I hope that you will be blessed by all the material you read on Write 2 Shine.
I first posted the above article on the older version of W2S, 2 March 2007. In 2011 I shared it on my Faithwriters page with the following comment:
[Today, 18th May, 2011, I went on Jody Goode's website, "EvangelicalPoetry.Com" and found a link to a piece I shared on my website. The article I found inspired me to get back on track with the book I am currently working on. I wanted to share it with you for motivation to keep writing for the Kingdom of God. You will face obstacles and you will want to procrastinate, like I'm doing with the book right now but please resist the temptation and remember the power in you is stronger than the forces of evil. Be blessed! Thank you Jody! God had this day planned in history. Because I truly needed this push/reminder today. God bless you my sis! Yes He knows the plans He has for us and they are plans to prosper us and not to harm us.]