​Honour Thy Father expresses gratitude for healing from a fatherless child and provides encouragement for fathers to reclaim their leadership position. 
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MY REFLECTION IN THE MIRROR 

A conversation I had, with one of my childhood friends, sent me on this journey of trying to release the child within me. God used my friend to let me look at myself in the mirror. I was ugly—unrecognisable. Resentment had consumed me and daily, a part of me was dying.  I was shutting down mentally, emotionally and spiritually.



My friend used his life as an example to let me see that I was making a mistake, in trying to dwell at the place that had nothing but painful memories. His wise counsel helped me to understand that I had to release the anger I was feeling, in order to move on with my life. 

 
Sharing with him helped me to recognise that the hurt I was feeling had brought me to a very dark place. I dug deep within, trying to find out why I felt the way I did. It was later revealed that my child-self was trapped in my adult body, screaming to be released.  Unfortunately, no one could hear that desperate cry except the one who was crying and I had no idea what to do to help myself. Death was approaching. I was afraid to die.

 
Recognising my ugliness, I repented of my sins and started to look to God for the answers. I asked God to direct us (my family and I) to a place where we could learn more about Him and get the spiritual guidance we needed. We were directed to our current fellowship where God opened my understanding and I could see beauty on the horizon. 

 
On this journey of releasing the child trapped within me, I found myself asking another friend I went to Sunday school with, questions about me as a child. One of the questions I asked was, "What was I like as a child?" He said, "You were too clingy and that's why I distanced myself from you." It was painful to hear those words. However, I was grateful for his honesty.

 
The honesty of my friend allowed me to ask myself why I behaved the way I did. I then realised that even as an adult, without recognising it, I did tend to attach myself to anyone who represented love in my life, such as a mother or father figure or older more mature people I saw as brothers and sisters or aunts and uncles. 


Two years into this journey of discovery, I tried to respond to an email another friend had sent me. She had shared that she found it difficult to accept other people's kindness because her own parents did not show her love. I could relate. I started responding but was unable to complete the email as I found myself going back to my childhood years and dealing with pain that was locked away for decades (see ‘Target for the bullies' in chapter six). 


I then realised that the ugly person I saw in the mirror was still there.  I had knowledge of the issues that resulted in the ugliness but the issues hadn't been dealt with. The wound needed to be healed and that drove home the importance of going on this mission to release the child within me. This rescue mission was vital to my healing so that my adult self could live the life of abundance promised to believers (in John 10:10). 


Writing Embracing Forgiveness helped me to deal with the issue. The neglect that I endured and the abuse I was exposed to was too much for a child's mind to cope with.  Amnesia was the defence mechanism to protect me from mental collapse.  But the love for the mother I longed to bond with, encouraged me to press on and release that trapped child so that I could live again and also help my mother and others like her, to find the joy in living again. 


If you lost out on having an emotionally and mentally healthy childhood, you may have experienced this feeling of being a child trapped in your adult body. Having such a childhood, you may still be craving the love of one or both parents. If today you share the same experience as me and still find that you are living a less than fulfilled life, I pray that Embracing Forgiveness will play a part in helping you to release that child so that you too can live again.


Embracing Forgiveness, A gift that touched my heart.

Video:

How to Test Your Emotional Health 

Picture by MFS Photography . 2007

A 40 year journey of grieving was given purpose on March 12, 2016. I finally started to understand my pain's purpose and found reason to celebrate. ​>>>More